Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Attention all Hillbillies

Our very first Hillbilly Hog Roast.

I was originally going to call it the Carnival of Hillbillies, but the Dowager Viscountess suggested Hog Roast instead.

What I have in mind is something like this. We need some stuff to be “official”. Like the official Hillbilly Song. The official Hillbilly movie. The official Hillbilly beer, food, car, firearm (3 actually, pistol, rifle and shotgun) and so on.

We’ll take these one at a time. What I’d like everyone to do is to put up a post on your blog about what you think the official Hillbilly song should be. Send me a link in my email, or post it in the comments to this post or send a trackback. On Sunday, April 30 I will put up a post linking to all of them.

Then we’ll decide which is the winner.

How will we decide? I’m open to suggestions. Maybe we’ll write them all down on separate note cards and lay them face down in Born Again Redneck’s yard and see which one of them his chickens peck the most.

Or I could write each of them on the back of a target and take them to the range. Shuffle them and whichever one I shoot the tightest group on will win.

Or maybe I’ll use my Ecosystem creator powers to pick the winner myself. Anyway it should be fun. If enough people participate we’ll work through the list and establish our Official Hillbilly List.

One note. I know that the recording industry is going to be pulling out all the stops to influence you. They’ll be sending you $5000 per night call girls/gigolos and new SUV’s and all expense paid vacations to places like Nashville, Branson and Dollywood. Engraved Browning shotguns and Styer Scout rifles. Gold inlaid Ruger revolvers and boxes of the finest Dominican cigars with entire cases of Wild Turkey aged cask select bourbon. After all an endorsement like this could make an up and coming record label.

But I want this to be honest. I expect all of you to return all gifts. . .Who the hell am I kidding. Give me $5.00 and a can of Michelob lite and I’ll vote for anyone you want me to. That’s what I told the guy from the local Democratic Party back in 2004, after all.