Happy April 1st

I’m sure that most of you have heard of the incident in which Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) physically assaulted a Capitol Hill Policeman. It seems that Ms. McKinney walked through a security checkpoint without stopping of showing any ID. The officer manning the checkpoint did not recognize her and pursued catching up with her to demand some identification. In response to this the Representative punched the officer. He intends to press charges and a warrant for her arrest is to be issued, if it hasn’t already.

Ms. McKinney has released the following statement:

I know that Capitol Hill Police are securing our safety, that of thousands of others, and I appreciate the work that they do. I deeply regret that the incident occurred. I have demonstrated my support for them in the past and I continue to support them now.

This made us here at Hillbilly White Trash curious about exactly how Congresswoman McKinney supports the Capitol Hill Police. So we decided to do some nosing around (“we” means me and my first cousin Cooter Calhoon, he’s from my mother’s side of the family, I think (its hard to tell since both sides of the family are named Calhoon).

It seems that the good congresswoman feels that the reason that the officer didn’t recognize her was that, “all us Black folks look alike to white trash crackers like him”. To address this problem Ms. McKinney has started an immersion program for Capitol Hill Police to bring them into close contact with the Black Community.

This is how the program works. Ms. McKinney has a substantial number of friends and financial contributors in the DC metropolitan area. Many of these individuals have businesses which service the Black community. Through Ms. McKinney’s good offices it has been arranged for Capitol Hill Police officers to volunteer their off duty time to these businesses in order to gain experience dealing with persons of color in an “up close and personal way”.

To see the program in action Cooter and I went out in the field to a lovely little section of the District called Capital City. Here we “rode along” with Mr. Obed Jamal, proprietor of A-1 Carpet Cleaning Service. Mr. Jamal is fielding a crew made up entirely of unpaid police volunteers.

“These White boys are saving me a bundle” he rumbles in his deep bass voice. “They are getting loads of valuable experience going right into Black homes. I just thank the Lord for the Congresswoman. I’ve been able to cut my payroll almost down to nothing. If it hadn’t been for her I’d be working Mexicans by now just to compete. So this is a patriotic thing, yeah patriotic.”

Similar scenes are being played out from Falls Church to Tyson’s Corners and even as far away as Baltimore as Ms. McKinney’s program expands. Back at the Congressional Office Building the Georgia Representative’s office bustles with activity as staffers field requests from an ever growing number of local businesses and match them with the finite number of Capitol Hill Police officers.

An excited aid confides in us that Ms. McKinney has attracted the attention of a number of philanthropic organizations and government social service agencies. In fact the Congresswoman has received at least 75 million dollars in various grants to help fund her program. In response to a request to interview Ms. McKinney we were told that she was in the process of moving into her new home on the banks of the Potomac River in Maryland. A quick set of directions and we were off.

Going up the long driveway to her beautiful new home we see a number of work crews landscaping the several hundred acres of the new McKinney estate. Many of the workers are wearing t-shirts with “Capitol Hill Police” or the FOP (Fraternal Order of Police) logo so it seems that Ms. McKinney’s grounds keeping service is a participant in the program.

Inside the spacious house (thirty rooms, at least) Ms. McKinney is inspecting the newly remodeled bathroom in the master suite. The gleaming gold fixtures and polished Italian marble overwhelm the first-time visitor. After introducing ourselves Representative McKinney graciously agrees to take us on a tour.

While observing the installation of a 40’x30’ stained glass window in the banquet hall Ms. McKinney explains that it was a gift from Mayor Nagin of New Orleans. Apparently a church was flooded with several inches of water in the recent hurricane and the Mayor had it condemned on his own authority. He had spoken to the Representative from his new home in Houston, TX earlier about implementing a version of her program in New Orleans. The window is just a small gesture of gratitude for all her help.

Ms. McKinney is philosophical about her encounter with the Capital Hill officer. “That hillbilly cracker just didn’t know who he was messin’ with”, she says. “I hold no grudges, as long as he is fired and unable to ever work in law enforcement again I’ll be happy. Of course I’ll also need a public apology.”

When asked about how the idea for the program came to her she responds, “It just seemed like the right thing to do. I always support the police and I think it is about time that the police start supporting me”.

When we inquired about how the 75 million dollars in grant money was being spent Representative McKinney suddenly remembered an important committee meeting that she had to attend. As she saw us out she wished us well and asked that all other communications be directed through her attorney, for technical reasons. We still aren’t sure what that meant, but we sure did enjoy ourselves.