24

The Evil Terrorist Mastermind (ETM) demands that all of the terrorist detainees at "Palmdale" (I guess that Gitmo was out of the budget) be released and put on a plane or else the terrorist incidents will continue.

M3 and Julie Myers are against this, but President Chapell feels that it is the only chance they have to buy a break from the constant attacks.

Meanwhile Jack Bauer (having recovered his super powers after draining the life force of one of the terrorists - the life is the blood!) and Dr. Bashier have faked a traffic accident in which the terrorist handler's car was totaled. Bashier offers the terrorist a ride while Jack tails them in a Jeep which he carjacked. Bashier sets his Sprint cell phone on covert surveillance mode so that Jack and CTU can listen in.

The terrorist has Bashier drop him off at a self storage place where he opens a unit which is stacked floor to ceiling with boxes of Eastern Block weapons, ammunition and explosives. The terrorist suspects nothing because he failed to notice the white Jeep and the two enormous black Ford Expeditions following his car.

At this point we see that Curtis is going to be a problem. He gets up in Bashier's face and has his men take him into custody. Jack tries to tell him that Bashier is a part of the operation, but Curtis isn't having any of it.

The terrorist spots one of the snipers on a rooftop and starts shooting. The CTU assault squad starts pouring weapon's fire into a small room full of explosives, but the terrorist denies the infidels the opportunity to blow him up by setting off a hand grenade. In the wreckage they find a laptop which conviniently has one recoverable file which lists the components for a Soviet era suitcase nuke. Along with the name of an engineer trained by the Russians who has terrorist ties.

Of course Curtis's first thought on hearing this is that if he is going to get blown up in a nuclear fireball he will at least give Bashier an ass-whippin before he goes, but Jack won't let him.

Meanwhile Joe Middle Class (JMC) and family are being held hostage by their teenage Arab neighbor (proving that in this post 9/11 world making friends with Arabs is stupid and will get you blown up in a nuclear fireball). The Jihad Kid tells Joe Middle Class that he is going to have to deliver a package for him since his leg as a boo-boo from his fight with the neighborhood redneck.

JMC takes the package and goes to an electronics warehouse where the slimy owner opens the box and finds it to be full of money. He tells JMC that it is going to cost him an extra $50,000. JMC calls Kid Jihad who tells him to use his initiative and get the damn component.

JMC thinks outside the box and tricks the slimy owner into showing him the component. Then he beats him to death for it. He calls Kid Jihad and tells him that he has his nuclear trigger, but he will smash it if he doesn't let his family go. Kid Jihad agrees to let one of them go, but not both. JMC has to make a Sophie's Choice of which loved one he wants to save and picks his son. Kid Jihad lets the wife go instead.

Wife calls husband to tell him she's safe then she calls 911 and asks to be connected to Col. McQueen. McQueen forwards her call to Jack who sets up an assault on the house.

JMC hands the nuclear trigger over to the Evil Terrorist Mastermind who has the Soviet trained engineer with him because the whole "free the terrorists" bit was a ruse. A corrupt guard set the engineer (who was being held at Gitmo, sorry Palmdale) free.

At the assault on JMC's suburban home the crack CTU assault force succeeds in killing Kid Jihad BEFORE he can tell them anything of use. Fortunately JMC, Jr. remembers the exact address of the nuclear device assembly building.

The crack CTU assault squad is sent in to take out the terrorists and prevent the atomic bomb from going off (the same crack CTU assault squad which has just spent the day doing the opposite of what they were supposed to do). By this time even Helen Keller could see a giant nuclear fireball on the horizon.

Back at JMC's suburban home Jack sends Bashier (clutching his bright spanky new Presidential Pardon) back to CTU just when Chloe calls and tells him what the history is between Curtis and Bashier. It seems that back in the day Bashier ambushed Curtis's unit killed some of his men and captured some others. He tortured them and forced them to beg for their lives, then beheaded them.

Jack runs out of the house to find Curtis with a gun to Bashier's head. Jack urges him to let bygones be bygones but Curtis just isn't a big enough man to rise above the hate. Before he can continue the cycle of violence Jack shoots him through the throat with what appears to be his Ruger semi-auto.

Jack then lurches off down the suburban sidewalk and pukes. He then calls Col. McQueen and tells him that he quits. He's done. From where the sun now stands he will torture and kill no more. Then the crack CTU assault squad's raid on the nuclear weapon assembly pint has its inevitable result and we get to see Jack reacting to the mushroom cloud. We also get to see the Oval Office where President Chapell, Julie Myers and Major Mat Mason put on their best horrified reaction faces (none of them could hold a candle to Capt. Kirk).

One more lose end. The Arab phrase which the chairman of CAIR overheard meant "five visitors". Bashier had informed them that visitor was a code word for weapon. This means that there are four more nukes floating around (cue the sinister music).

The major question raised by this night's episodes is this: What will Anita Hill do to cope with the shame when she realizes that she has assisted law enforcement in (hopefully) stopping four major terrorist attacks?