Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Here's what you do

Tiny, fluffy and adorable, Knut the baby polar bear became an animal superstar after he was abandoned by his mother.

He rapidly became the symbol of Berlin Zoo, whose staff bottle-fed him and handed out cuddles in between.

At three months old, however, the playful 19lb bundle of fur is at the centre of an impassioned debate over whether he should live or die.

Animal rights activists argue that he should be given a lethal injection rather than brought up suffering the humiliation of being treated as a domestic pet.

"The zoo must kill the bear," said spokesman Frank Albrecht. "Feeding by hand is not species-appropriate but a gross violation of animal protection laws."

Here is how you deal with this. You take this Albrecht guy and anyone who agrees with him and you tie their hands behind their backs. Then you make them get down on their knees. Then you put a white pillow case over their heads. Then you get some neo-Nazi skinheads (it is Germany, after all) who are serving long prison terms for crimes of violence and offer them some extra privileges (cigarettes and bi-racial bondage porn should work) if they will lend a hand by taking stout wooden clubs and beat these animal rights assholes about the heads until the pillow cases are completely red.

Then you leave the bodies of the animal rights assholes laying in the street to rot as a warning to others.

Problem solved.
Oh, and give the little bear a Coke. He looks thirsty.