If Lemuel was going to take out a personal ad

I might just be the man for you if. . .
You think Feng Sui is a Chinese porn actress.
You think a salad is what must be endured before the steak arrives.
An Obama "townhall meeting" makes you think of a Nuremberg Rally.
You know what a Nuremberg Rally was.
You think any caliber is fine as long as it starts with "4".
You love the great outdoors so much that you could sit in an air conditioned room and look out the window at it all day.